May 31, 2008

Libyan men

When I first came here, some expat woman warned me about Libyan men. Or to be more exact, about attitude that they carry for "western woman". They gave all sort of advice and always finished by saying you will get used to it.

But I can not get used to it. I don't believe that anyone brought up in non-oppressed country ever could.

Apparently most Libyan men (and some share of woman) think that foreign woman are easy and therefore should not be treated with respect. It also seems that men think that we like it if they make vulgar gestures or yell sexually abusing words at us while we are passing by. I am not entirely sure do they do it to prove their manhood to their sneering friends or they actually think that you were just waiting for them to yell something so you finally feel enlightened to do... exactly what?

Now, vulgarity and yelling aside, there is also normal, every day staring. Wherever you go, whenever you go, men are going to stare at you. If you have blond hair, oh my! Why, it is like circus here, and you are the 3 eyed bearded woman!

This will happen especially if you are alone outside or with female friend. Having your husband and 3 children in the tow is not going to make much difference either.

Most days it is (just) a big nuisance. But there are days, when it is just too much and when I would most like to slam as many times as I can into that Libyan car whose driver is making it just too clear what he wants from me.
When I feel like that, I think that anywhere else would be fine. As long as it is not Arab country.

So, I am looking forward to vacation.
To the place when I can walk on the street and not one guy is going to yell obscenity after me.
To the place where I can sit in a cafe and have coffee without the waiter coming and asking where am I from, and then mentioning that he heard woman there like to party.
To the place where I can drive uninterrupted by the honk of a car next me with the driver all but hanging out of window to get me to take notice of him.
To the place where horny teenage boys know their place.
To the place where I can wear bikini on any beach, not just on special beach for foreigners.
To the place where your neighbors greet you and don't look away.
To the place where I don't need G to get documents for me because it is better that way.
To the place which I call home.


Disclaimer * dressing "appropriately" aka loose fitting clothes which cover upper arms and knees (along with other, more common sense attributes) will help you fell more comfortable with yourself. However, It will have no effect on the treatment you receive. If you do not wear hijab (head scarf) and come from Libya there is not much you can do.

12 comments:

Unknown said...

Hi! My name is Nicole Willson and I write for Recipes Wiki. First, I'd like to say I've really enjoyed reading the past couple entries in your blog. The pictures are great and your post about getting plane tickets to Cairo makes the US ticketing system seem like a breeze by comparison.

This may sound random, but I found your blog while doing a Google Blog Search for Libyan Cuisine. There's a page on Recipes Wiki about Libyan Cuisine that could use some help. I don't know that much about the topic, and I thought that since you live in Libya, you might want to take a look and provide some input. I'd really appreciate and I know that Recipes Wiki readers would too, since there isn't a lot of information about Libyan cuisine on the Internet.

Here's the address of the page in case you want to have a look:

http://recipes.wikia.com/wiki/Libyan_Cuisine#Overview_of_Libyan_Cuisine_History

Thanks!

Sarong said...

Nicole hi! I am glad you like it so far.
As for Libyan cuisine, I checked out wiki page you suggested and I am afraid that I can not really add much to it. Most Libyans eat traditional food at home and it is difficult to find real local food in the restaurants. One thing I found missing from the wiki page is emphasis on fish. Libyan north border is on the Mediterranean sea and high quality sea food is very easy to find. Most common way of preparing it is grill.
I am sorry I cant be of more help on this topic.

Unknown said...

Thanks for your prompt reply. I didn't know how hard it was to find traditional Libyan food in restaurants, but I'm going to try to find more information about Libyan seafood. Thanks so much for your help.

Best Regards,

Nicole Willson

Herr Esharif said...

altuogh thers some sadness about those examples u taliking about him bt u right thts truth libya hve men like those bt iam nt `e u when u say most Libyan men !!!
u right in some points bt in some other points iam nt `e u when u say :To the place where I can wear bikini on any beach, not just on special beach for foreigners.
thts ur opinion bt u mst know u living in islamic community & our relegion dnt agree on such behaviour like this ...

iam living before outside libya & believe me many points as u write also there in other country ...

always thers exceptions in any place ...

Sarong said...

hello abdullah sh,

Unfortunatelly, I tried to understand, but could not make out everything you wrote.

I agree, there are exceptions in every place. Not ALL Libyan men are like that. Just most.

As for bikini on the beach, it is interesting you pointed out only that. I mentioned few other examples as well.
I do understand that I am living in islamic country. Therefore, I dress appropriately when in public and go to beaches for foreigners and only rarely. Still plenty of Libian men come there, mostly to stare at us in bikinis...

But if we start to define things, why shouldnt we also mention that if wearing bikini is not "appropriate attire" for muslim country, then the act of muslim man coming to the beach for purpose of staring at woman in bikini is not proper muslim behavior?

Herr Esharif said...

salam sarong ...
As for bikini on the beach, it is interesting you pointed out only that. I mentioned few other examples as well..
i know tht bt as i told u before iam agree `e u in many points bt i comment on ths point exactly cuz ths point consider from few points in whch i dnt agree `e u ...


Still plenty of Libian men come there, mostly to stare at us in bikinis...

u wear bikinis & dnt want anybody staring 2 u !!! evn beautiful girl `e normal wear usualy some men looking 2 those women ....evn i understand thts wrong behaviour ...

staring at woman in bikini is not proper muslim behavior?

iam `e u .....

salam

Jo Sg Buaya said...

Hi...

Came across yr blog whilst blog hopping. I am also an expatriate here....and yes...i must say that i have difficulties trying to decipher what this abdullah chap is trying to say as well..hahaha...sigh..

Sarong said...

Hi Johari,
Welcome to Libya!

If you substitute "`e" with "with" than it is more clear... ;)

princ_wi said...

Dear Sarong,
" So, I am looking forward to vacation....
..To the place which I call home."

reading your kind sharing.. is a blessing i have..

i can totally related myself to it.. if i will really living in Libya..

it does in a way force me to put into serious consideration if it'll justified the exchange..

em.. but i do felt glad and thank you for being you and sharing your blog.

enjoy.

mellowmunji

Sarong said...

Hello Princ_wi and welcome to the blog!

Anonymous said...

You are a western slut. You get what you deserve. I don't understand why you cry - they are harrassing me in my bikini that screams look at me! Ignorant. Do you get enough attention from your husband?

Nora said...

Hello Sarong,
I totally agree with you I am a Libyan girl, wearing a scarf and let me just say even being local this doesn’t stop!
I hope this make you feel better, as it’s not about you being a foreigner 
It’s not a Muslim behavior, and its ridicules...it’s the fact that they are shallow and have nothing better to do with their lives.. And can only picture women in one way 
But let me add not all Libyan guys are like this, although the normal ones are really few...
As for your crazy neighbors, I found that wired.. if you have been here for long time you would know that Libyans are curious and they can’t help not to start a conversation with anyone to get all info about them…
Well should you need any assistance in the country let me know, I won’t hesitate to help you
Have a nice weekend.
NB